I will not use this blog to write something negative, so congrats, future PTA Mom, Snooki! I read that she said she’d like to “pop” four or five kids out and it got me thinking (yes, many of you are thinking about the G-8 Summit, but I’ve got my eye on Snooki’s uterus). First I thought that she has no idea what that entails, but also that the excitement of starting a family with the person you love is crazy-exciting.
That brought me to thinking about mine and Dave’s idealistic attitude before having kids. I remember he said it would be impossible for him to ever get mad at our child. I replied that that would not be a real relationship, then, because obviously he and the child would have some differing views on child rearing, politics, religion, Caillou, etc. I remind him of this every time he *calmly* asks one of the girls to pick her stuff off of the floor. But I had my own ideals, too. Never once did I think about having a child who would have to deal with a chronic, life threatening illness, but we did. As many of you know, Belle was diagnosed with epilepsy at age 2, after 2 terrible years of her screaming pretty much all the time. It took us many seizures, a few medications, two doctors, and lots of prayers, but we got it under control. For two years we enjoyed the safety net of a successful medication that allowed her to make up whatever delays she had and kick the seizures to the curb. Then this past August we took the incredibly scary step of weaning her off of her medication, as was always the plan when she was seizure-free for two years.
We were scared, but it was always the plan, and in times when my thinking may lean toward the emotional, I try and stick with the plan. August and Septemeber went well, and then we were heading to Ireland in October and I started to get scared again. You see, sleep is very important to people who are prone to seizures. Many seizures actually occur in airports because of travel-related exhaustion. I spoke with her neurologist who told me what I already knew – “go, have fun, show her the world”. We did all three, and we still talk about the trip on a weekly basis. They met members of my family that they absolutely fell in love with, and I am so happy that we did not let fear of our old enemy’s return hold us, or her, back.
Today is my birthday. When I was alone in my car, I started to think about the things for which I am most grateful. Belle’s health was the first thing that popped into my mind. I then thought about how I never shared with you guys, or really anyone who didn’t ask, that we took her off of her medication. I shared the awful times, but have been to afraid to declare her seizure-free, because I feared jinxing the situation. I do not want to be superstitious. I want to be faithful. I know that me sharing good news is not going to bring bad news. I know that, but man it feels weird to put it out there.
My daughter had epilepsy, but she doesn’t anymore. This is my birthday, and every wish has come true. Keep your candles. I don’t need ‘em!